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This is the fourth segment of my 5 days worth of self portraits that will represent how I saw myself during my childhood/teenage/young adult years. I'm ignoring age 0-5. The previous one was for age 15-20. This one is about age 20-25.
I entered my first relationship at age 20, and I tried to please him by becoming SuperGirlyGirl for him as he kind of complained that I was barely even a girl. After my first relationship ended, I felt as if I lost my sense of self and was unsure how to proceed, what do I really want to wear? What do I really want to look like? I slowly found a middle ground between the two and stayed there. Around this time I discovered the FTM community online and something really hit home, but I was too afraid to really do anything about it. I then met a guy and ended up marrying him and moving to the States... and started looking more girly again.
Long story short, I kept the boy aspect of myself tucked away as much as I could [every blue moon I'd mention it to somebody but always try and take it back or pretend that I wasn't really serious or anything], thinking it'd eventually go away... and thinking well I probably couldn't really be a boy because honestly I was awesome at being girly, I mastered that role, and there's some very feminine aspects to me, and still to this day. I was never one of those people who looked horribly awkward while trying to be girly. It just worked for me. I was quite confused, unsure, kind of trapped, a
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